Walking Etiquette

As I was walking into town this fine lunchtime I noticed that there was a fellow work colleague waiting for the green man to appear at the crossing. Now, this colleague wouldn’t be someone I could really hold a conversation with as a) she’s a woman, not that that’s a problem but combined with, b) she’s around 50, and as such isn’t someone I can really make small talk with. Well, I could but it’d be half hearted small talk. And I imagine it’s the same for her.

So as we both wait for the red man to change to the green one, it becomes almost like a race. Which one of us is going to fire out of the trap first, so as to be walking ahead of the other? As it turned out it was her (I was fiddling with my phone and didn’t notice that the traffic had stopped), and she was halfway across the road before I had even started moving. Trouble was, despite her having a head start, she wasn’t a particularly fast walker. Unlike myself. And I had caught up with her not too far down the road.

So I found myself in a quandary. Do I continue walking behind her or do I overtake?

There are considerable problems with both.

If you decide to walk behind the person, it eventually looks like you’re following them. Not so much a problem if you’re at least a little familiar with said person, but if it’s an acquaintance it becomes a little odd. Especially if you need to take the same turns as the person in front, which inevitably you always do. I remember I was in a similar situation once at night, and unfortunately it was another woman who was ahead of me. You don’t want to seem rude and overtake, but being a fast walker I always end up catching up, and then I realise that I’ve caught up and then start to slow down. Which looks even more suspicious, as it looks as though I’m trying to hard not to look like a mental person. At points, I do remember wanting to reassure this poor girl by shouting “IT’S ALRIGHT. I’M NOT ACTUALLY A RAPIST. CONTINUE WALKING.”

That may have been a bit odd though.

Because let’s face it, anytime anyone is walking behind you, you get paranoid. And suspect that this person is evil, and wants to violate you. When in reality, they’re just doing the same as you. Only 50 yards back. It’s the same when you’re driving and the person behind takes every turn you do: “Oh no, this person is going to follow me and kill me in my own home.”

And also, it makes it slightly uncomfortable for the person in front, if someone behind is closing in but not quite overtaking. Do you slow down to let them pass, or do you speed up to create a large enough distance between you, and possibly knacker yourself in the process, because as you do that the person behind will match your speed, and you’ll have to walk even faster to maintain the distance you’ve put between you? Vicious cycle.

And then, if you overtake. Well, then you’re just rude. You’re basically undermining the speed and stamina, hell, the entire life, of the person who you’re overtaking. Saying “fuck you and your little short legs. You can’t even walk fast; you must be a terrible lover, parent and person. I despise you. And your children, and your children’s children.” The worst bit though is if for some reason you have to stop and then a situation arises where you may have to overtake that person again.

I tell you, it’s a stressful business this walking lark.

Anyone else encounter problems like this? Or do y’all just walk like normal people?



[note: it’s very hard to find pictures of what I’m describing here. It’s doubly hard to find pictures of ‘threatening behaviour’ or ‘stalking’ when in work, so as such, this blog is pictureless. Soz.]