I’m not a bath person.
Given the choice, I’d always choose a shower. Not that I dislike baths or anything, sometimes there’s nothing better than a good soak, but if push came to shove, the shower wins.
Now, I know people who have regular baths (I’m married to one, in fact) And that’s grand . Have fun with that. But to me, a bath is like an abusive partner; great at the start but after a while the bad starts to raise its head [note: I’m not making light of domestic abuse here, it’s just a good analogy].
First of all, you have to run the bugger. Which means you have to ensure that there’s enough hot water so as you can have a hot bath. So, say you decide at 7 that you want a bath; you’ll have to wait til about 8 o’clock until there’s enough water to actually have a bath. A shower is always there with hot water.
Shower 1, Bath 0
Secondly, once you do have your bath filled there’s the stepping into it. And it’s always too hot. Because you can never get the temperature just right. You don’t want to get into a warm bath so that by the time you get out its cold, so you run a scalding hot bath so that by the time you’ve got feeling back, it’s pleasantly warm. A shower is never too hot, and if it is you can turn it down and in a few seconds it’s the right temperature.
Shower 2, Bath 0
Thirdly, and continuing from point 2, because you have run a scalding hot bath, there then comes the process of lowering yourself into it. I don’t know if other men do this, but a bizarre cupping ritual is necessary here, so as not to roast your down belows. Because aside from your feet, your danglers are the next thing to hit the water, and from past experience, it’s not fun when you can feel your sperm boiling inside your testes. I’ve never had this problem in a shower.
Shower 3, Bath 0
My fourth point is boredom. I get into the bath and after about 5 minutes become deathly bored. I’ve already slid under the water and shouted to hear my underwater voice, so I can’t really do that again. Listening to music gets dull, as I could do that whilst not in the bath, and that becomes all I can think about. People say read a book, but then I have a fear of dropping it in the water, thus ruining the entire book [I did this once, never again]. In a shower, you don’t have time to get bored.
Shower 4, Bath 0
Fifthly, a bath is actually quite disgusting. If you do spend a long time in the bath after a while, once you’ve washed yourself, and lie back, you’re literally swimming in your own filth. All the dirt of the day is floating next to you and you sitting in water that wasn’t as clear as it was when you got in. In a shower all my filth goes down the plug hole. Shower 5, Bath 0
Point the sixth, you can’t pee in the bath. Well, you could but that’d be nasty.
Shower 6, Bath 0
After you get out of the bath, you are always roasting. I have to lie down for a bit just to cool down. And then, as I don my dressing gown to relax for the evening, I find I’m still far too warm and start to sweat again, nullifying the effect of the bath in the first place. Never happens with a shower.
Shower 7, Bath 0
You never have to clean a shower. Well, not as much anyway. There are never any big dirty water marks after a shower.
Shower 8, Bath 0
I shall declare the humble shower the winner. And who doesn’t love a good douche?
Cheers
JC
